youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
