Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
