If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
