She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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