So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize