Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
