Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
