hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
