Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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