You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
