They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
