Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
