dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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