Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
