I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
