Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
