We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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