okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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