who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
