Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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