You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
