I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
