I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize