oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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