i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
