i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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