I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You pole danced in your parka.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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