So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
