weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
