im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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