Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
