those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
