hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
