the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It's just like the Real World with babies
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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