see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
