On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
