I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
