Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
