Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
