Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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