This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
