This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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