boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
