Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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