I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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