At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize