I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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