well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
