I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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