It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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