And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
