If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
