Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
