Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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