The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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