pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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