I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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