I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And then my night got REAL pukey
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
