He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
