Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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