Just fell off a train. Bad.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
