You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
