You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
