With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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