he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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