whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
