So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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