My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
